Ask Amy: Vaccination Standing is Dealbreaker | lifestyle


Dear Amy: My wife’s sister moved to the opposite coast with her husband a few years ago.

She and her husband, who are both extremely frugal, make our home their only annual vacation. While they’re here, they spend most of their time with old high school friends. I realize that we are their “free” accommodations.

My wife loves spending time with her sister.

That is, they are both politically opposing opposites of us and extremely conservative. They spend almost nothing here and only spoiled us once with a dinner at modest prices.

When we visit their city (we have friends there) we always stay in a hotel.

They never offered us their home or invited us for dinner or drinks.

As a “good spouse” I accompany them on a visit, but I ask myself: should we take them in for the rest of our lives? I know my wife will never say no.

Also – my sister-in-law refuses to be vaccinated against the COVID virus.

She is against wearing a mask and getting the vaccine. I understand that this is your choice. However, I do not want to host anyone in my home who refuses to be vaccinated.

Am I right to say that while I recognize their right not to be vaccinated, I do not want unvaccinated people to stay with us?

– Tired of my sister-in-law

Dear tired: Because of the multitude of questions that are similar to yours, it has become increasingly clear to me that many people use the vaccination question to finally stop spending time with people they don’t like.

It doesn’t seem to have crossed your mind that this couple doesn’t have the resources to take you in – or that they are embarrassed compared to your home.

If your wife enjoys her sister’s visits during healthy times, she should continue to greet her sister and brother-in-law for their annual vacation. These visits should not last more than five days and should continue for as long in the future as your wife wishes.

Your annual visit could be a good time for you to go on your own solo trip.

The CDC guidelines currently state, “Vaccinated individuals can visit unvaccinated individuals (including children) from a single household who are at low risk of serious COVID-19 illness indoors without wearing masks or physical distance.”

I conclude that if you had a very close friend or family member that you actually wanted to hang out with, vaccination status may not be a deal breaker.

Yes – it’s your house, and you can make the rules (with your wife’s approval) as long as you at least understand your real motive for it in private.

Dear Amy: I am a 26 year old man.

My mom has wanted to take a guided Segway tour in downtown Portland, Oregon for many years.

This year I decided to pay for the two of us to do it together.

It’s not particularly expensive, but I’m not cashless either.

To my greatest disappointment, Mom immediately asked if I could invite my little sister, who will be visiting from Washington State over the weekend.

I love my sister now, but when she’s around she makes a huge footprint – so that others have little chance of really interacting. Plus, mom and my sister see each other often – at least twice a month.

Am I being selfish because I don’t want to invite my sister, let alone pay for it?

I want this gift to be all my mom wants and I don’t want to feel bitter and disappointed after trying to treat someone I love. Help!

– Segwaying son

Dear son: It is completely understandable that you might want to spend some alone time with your mother.

They should suggest that – after the two of you are done with your tour, your sister can meet you at one of the Portland cafes and have coffee with the group.

Dear Amy: Thank you for writing the letter from “Grandpa” the retired teacher and his wife who wanted to pay for college education for their volunteer “grandson”.

When I wanted to afford college, several elderly people from my small hometown church handed me envelopes and checks to help me with class. I couldn’t have done it without her kindness.

– Thank you

Thank you very much: How nice. Hope you have been inspired to repay these generous people by putting up their kindness.

(You can email Amy Dickinson at or send a letter to Ask Amy, PO Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter, askamy, or Facebook.)

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